Be the Rock

Who is a “rock” in your life?
And who are you a “rock” for?

My name, Pierre, means rock. 

Pierre translates to Peter in English. Growing up with an Apostle’s name (Pierre), in what was at the time a very Catholic, Quebec, I often heard Jesus being quoted in French “Pierre, tu est pierre et sur cette pierre j’édifierai mon Eglise.” Quick translation: Pierre you’re a rock and on this rock I will build my Church. Matthew 16:18. The phrase has been part of my personality. I was told I was a rock. I had to be the rock.

And so can you.

The image of a rock can be good, and bad. A rock can resist storms. On beaches rocks absorb the energy of waves and protect the shore. But a rock is hard to move, and it doesn’t change much. I can be calm through challenges, but I can also be resistant to change.

It’s a great responsibility to be someone’s rock and be a rock for yourself.

Be a rock that anchors values

When we praise someone for being our rock, we usually mean that they remain calm and clearheaded in times of challenges. Just like there are waves in the ocean that wash over rocks, life presents us with “storms”. Challenges are abundant in life. It’s normal. Yet, sometimes these challenges can feel overwhelming, this is when we need a rock in our life, that special person we can count on for strength and support.

When we have a storm of emotions in our mind, we lose perspective. We react and often make poor choices. We may go against our values and regret it later. A “rock” will bring calm, help sort things out and propose a response instead of a reaction. You benefit from the “rocks” in your life. Pay it forward by being the “rock” for others.

When you are the “rock” for someone else, be the one who helps them stay anchored to their values. Here’s where I’ve been helped and where I do my best to help others:

• Create calm, based on love and kindness
• Listen well
• Provide perspective; emotions cloud judgment
• Stay in integrity
• Stay purposeful
• Stay loyal
• Stay consistent

You could say that in this context a “rock” is rooted in values. 

Empathy & Compassion

When someone honors you by calling you their “rock”, it’s a testimony to the relationships you have with them. To be someone’s rock, you need to be mentally and emotionally available. You need to be patient. You cannot judge. You have to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to be able to provide advice and a perspective that will help them.

The expression “you are my rock” includes the concept of refuge and protection. You create security for the other person. Rarely will this be physical security, we’re talking about a safe place where emotions can be expressed, validated, but also changed if incorrect.

Bonnie leads with empathy and compassion. Two qualities that I need to work on for the rest of my life. She is the “rock” for many people that she mentors.

Feeling or Thinking

Language reveals a lot of what’s going on with a person. Hear how they start a statement. Most of the time when someone is looking for help, they’ll start saying “I feel …” To me this tells me that at the moment they’re in “emotions” mode. So as a “rock” I go into listening mode. 

I need to let the person express whatever they feel. Often the simple act of being listened to will help the person sort out what they need to do. The energy of their emotions need to be spent to create the calm they need. “Rocks” are good at being unfazed by another person’s emotions. Listening is the most important part. It just requires a bit of patience.

Today, we live in a culture of feelings. People aim to feel good. They often seek these good feelings with short term indulgences that are counterproductive. Feelings are not driven by wisdom. Hormones, cycles (male and female), cognitive biases, circumstances, can trigger those feelings. To be a “good rock”, I really pay attention to my mind to make sure I remain in thinking mode.

On the other hand when a person starts with “I think…” You know that they’re in analytical mode. Your conversation is very different. It can become a dialogue that helps them evaluate their options. The conversation becomes more strategic, and usually more productive. Many people will start with “I feel…” statements, and after being listened to will switch to “I think…”

Anxiety reducer

Many people are quick to go into anxiety mode. They see a news item or a social media post and almost hyperventilate with anxiety. Emotions take over and they no longer think rationally. Your role as a “rock” is to provide wisdom. You need to discern what the facts are, and provide a perspective that is analytical instead of emotional, so that better decisions or choices can be made.

To be an anxiety reducer you need to have a bulletproof positive attitude. You cannot embrace anxiety or fear. Be the voice of reason.

I’m writing this as I do my best to be the rock for my community. I’m on the board of a small water utility company. A customer posted on our social site, opinions about the condition of our water source. No data, just opinions and hearsay. It created anxiety for some customers.  A lot of emotional energy and time was wasted. Our president wisely responded by ordering water quality tests to obtain real data. This is an expense we wouldn’t need normally but that we need to incur to appease anxiety. This was a false alarm. He is the “rock” for these anxious customers.

Empower

You will have people in your life who are genuine victims. Some will rebound, others will embrace victimhood and give up their personal power. This is one of the most delicate tasks as a “rock”. You don’t want to minimize the ordeal they lived. Tragic experiences are very personal. You can’t claim to understand. 

You can be a solid, reliable and predictable presence in their life, and help them move away from victimhood to regain their power over their life. You’re not replacing a psychologist they may be consulting. Simply be a friend that uplifts them, a friend who reminds them of their personal capacity and of their value to other people. 

Be your own “rock”

In many of your own challenges, you can be your own “rock” by looking at the situation from the outside in. What would you discern if you were a wise person looking at the issue? What would you say to solve the problem? Move your mindspace from feeling to thinking. Discover or invent solutions to your problems and implement them promptly.

Be the Rock

You don’t need to be called Pierre to be  a rock for others. You only need to care. It’s a choice that demands wisdom as you accept the responsibility to help others. 

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